I thought finding work would be easier than finding kindness.<\/p>\n
Looking back, that was a foolish assumption.<\/p>\n
But I was eighteen.<\/p>\n
I had never tried to survive entirely on my own.<\/p>\n
And my grandfather had taught me that work was something a person could always offer, even when they had little else.<\/p>\n
So I walked toward Pinewood believing there would be someone who needed a pair of hands.<\/p>\n
The town wasn't far enough away to make me forget the house I had left.<\/p>\n
Every time I looked behind me, I half expected to see Elias coming after me.<\/p>\n
Not to apologize.<\/p>\n
Just to say he had reconsidered.<\/p>\n
I knew better.<\/p>\n
Still, I looked.<\/p>\n
The road was hard beneath my shoes.<\/p>\n
A few patches of snow lay along its edges.<\/p>\n
The air hurt my cheeks.<\/p>\n
I kept my blanket wrapped around my shoulders and held my small bundle against my side.<\/p>\n
Twelve dollars.<\/p>\n
I had counted the money before leaving the house.<\/p>\n
Then I counted it again as I walked.<\/p>\n
There was something comforting about knowing exactly what I had.<\/p>\n
Twelve dollars wasn't enough to solve my problem.<\/p>\n
But it was more than nothing.<\/p>\n
I told myself I would spend it carefully.<\/p>\n
Only on food.<\/p>\n
Only when necessary.<\/p>\n
I would find work first, then arrange somewhere to sleep.<\/p>\n
That seemed sensible in the morning.<\/p>\n
By afternoon, it seemed childish.<\/p>\n
Pinewood had a general store, stables, a boarding house, and a small saloon.<\/p>\n
There were people going about their business.<\/p>\n
Men carrying supplies.<\/p>\n
Customers entering shops.<\/p>\n
Horses shifting in the cold outside.<\/p>\n
To everyone else, it seemed to be an ordinary working day.<\/p>\n
To me, every building represented a possibility.<\/p>\n
I stopped at the general store first.<\/p>\n
I waited until the shopkeeper had finished attending to another customer.<\/p>\n
Then I approached the counter.<\/p>\n
"Excuse me. Do you need someone to help here?"<\/p>\n
He looked at me.<\/p>\n
His eyes moved from my worn clothes to the bundle beneath my arm.<\/p>\n
"What sort of help?"<\/p>\n
"Cleaning. Carrying things. Anything you need done."<\/p>\n
He shook his head.<\/p>\n
"Nobody needed just now."<\/p>\n
I tried again.<\/p>\n
"I don't mind hard work."<\/p>\n
"That's good to hear. But I can't hire you."<\/p>\n
I thanked him.<\/p>\n
Then I stepped outside.<\/p>\n
My face burned.<\/p>\n
I told myself not to be upset.<\/p>\n
One refusal meant nothing.<\/p>\n
People had reasons.<\/p>\n
Businesses had expenses.<\/p>\n
Not everyone could give work to a girl simply because she asked.<\/p>\n
So I went to the stables.<\/p>\n
I could clean.<\/p>\n
I could carry water.<\/p>\n
I knew how to mend simple wooden things.<\/p>\n
Grandpa had made certain of that.<\/p>\n
The man there barely waited for me to finish.<\/p>\n
"We've got enough help."<\/p>\n
"Even for a few hours?"<\/p>\n
"No."<\/p>\n
I stood awkwardly for a moment.<\/p>\n
Then I left.<\/p>\n
The cold felt sharper outside.<\/p>\n
I pulled my blanket higher around my neck.<\/p>\n
I had imagined that offering to work would be enough.<\/p>\n
I hadn't considered what happened when nobody wanted what I could offer.<\/p>\n
At the boarding house, I asked whether there was work in the kitchen.<\/p>\n
The woman listened.<\/p>\n
Then she explained that she had no place for another worker.<\/p>\n
I asked whether she knew anyone else who might need help.<\/p>\n
She shook her head.<\/p>\n
It wasn't a cruel answer.<\/p>\n
In some ways, that made it harder.<\/p>\n
I couldn't be angry with people simply for having no work.<\/p>\n
I couldn't demand that strangers solve my problems.<\/p>\n
All I could do was keep asking.<\/p>\n
I walked to the saloon.<\/p>\n
I hesitated outside.<\/p>\n
I had never liked places where people drank and raised their voices.<\/p>\n
But I needed work.<\/p>\n
And pride wouldn't buy supper.<\/p>\n
I went in and asked.<\/p>\n
There was nothing available.<\/p>\n
I came out feeling smaller than when I entered.<\/p>\n
A few people looked at me as I passed.<\/p>\n
Perhaps they noticed the blanket.<\/p>\n
Perhaps they wondered why a young woman was walking around town alone.<\/p>\n
I tried not to care.<\/p>\n
One shopkeeper asked whether I had family with me.<\/p>\n
"No," I answered.<\/p>\n
He frowned.<\/p>\n
He told me a young woman shouldn't be going from place to place without relatives to look after her.<\/p>\n
I stood there listening.<\/p>\n
It was the sort of advice that might have sounded reasonable to someone who had somewhere to go.<\/p>\n
To me, it was unbearable.<\/p>\n
I wanted to tell him that I knew exactly how dangerous the world could be.<\/p>\n
I wanted to explain that I hadn't chosen to be alone.<\/p>\n
My mother had died.<\/p>\n
My grandfather was gone.<\/p>\n
My stepfather had decided his duty to me ended when I became eighteen.<\/p>\n
But I didn't tell him any of that.<\/p>\n
I said I understood.<\/p>\n
Then I left.<\/p>\n
Outside, I stopped near the edge of the street.<\/p>\n
I was angry.<\/p>\n
Not at that particular man.<\/p>\n
At the way people spoke about having family as though it were something everyone could arrange.<\/p>\n
As though I had simply forgotten to bring mine along.<\/p>\n
I had a name.<\/p>\n
Mary Holt.<\/p>\n
I had skills my grandfather had spent years teaching me.<\/p>\n
I was willing to do whatever honest work someone gave me.<\/p>\n
But none of those things seemed to matter as much as the fact that I had no one standing beside me.<\/p>\n
I tried another place.<\/p>\n
Then another.<\/p>\n
The answers barely changed.<\/p>\n
There was no work.<\/p>\n
There might be work when the weather improved.<\/p>\n
Perhaps I should return in spring.<\/p>\n
Spring.<\/p>\n
I remember that word.<\/p>\n
It sounded impossibly far away.<\/p>\n
I didn't need work in spring.<\/p>\n
I needed somewhere to sleep that night.<\/p>\n
By late afternoon, I had stopped expecting anyone to say yes.<\/p>\n
I was still asking.<\/p>\n
But the hope had gone out of my voice.<\/p>\n
I walked past the boarding house again.<\/p>\n
For a moment, I considered renting a room.<\/p>\n
One dollar for a night.<\/p>\n
That was the price.<\/p>\n
One dollar.<\/p>\n
It seemed reasonable for a warm bed.<\/p>\n
Then I began thinking about what would happen afterward.<\/p>\n
If I paid for twelve nights, every cent Elias had given me would be gone.<\/p>\n
And that was before buying food.<\/p>\n
I stood outside looking at the building.<\/p>\n
Through the window, I could see enough to know there was warmth inside.<\/p>\n
A place to sit.<\/p>\n
A place where the wind didn't reach.<\/p>\n
I wanted that more than I had ever wanted anything.<\/p>\n
But wanting something wasn't the same as being able to afford it.<\/p>\n
I reached into my pocket.<\/p>\n
I touched the envelope.<\/p>\n
The money was still there.<\/p>\n
All twelve dollars.<\/p>\n
I imagined handing over one of them.<\/p>\n
Then another the next evening.<\/p>\n
Then another.<\/p>\n
I imagined waking up one morning with no work and an empty pocket.<\/p>\n
What would happen then?<\/p>\n
Would I be put outside again?<\/p>\n
Would someone tell me it wasn't their concern?<\/p>\n
I couldn't face that thought.<\/p>\n
Not yet.<\/p>\n
I stepped away from the boarding house.<\/p>\n
The sky was growing darker.<\/p>\n
Small flakes of snow had begun to fall.<\/p>\n
At first, I barely noticed.<\/p>\n
Winter meant snow.<\/p>\n
That was ordinary.<\/p>\n
What mattered was deciding what to do next.<\/p>\n
I remembered hearing about Greenwater.<\/p>\n
It lay beyond the western mountain pass.<\/p>\n
I knew very little about the settlement.<\/p>\n
Only that people lived there.<\/p>\n
And where people lived, there were kitchens to clean, rooms to sweep, clothes to mend, and meals to prepare.<\/p>\n
Perhaps someone there would employ me.<\/p>\n
Perhaps a widow would need help around her home.<\/p>\n
Perhaps the people in Greenwater would be more willing to give a stranger a chance.<\/p>\n
I had no evidence for any of those hopes.<\/p>\n
I can admit that now.<\/p>\n
At the time, they felt like possibilities worth following.<\/p>\n
I had been turned away all afternoon.<\/p>\n
There was no reason to believe that staying in Pinewood would produce a different answer before nightfall.<\/p>\n
So I made my decision.<\/p>\n
I would go west.<\/p>\n
I didn't intend to travel through the night.<\/p>\n
I thought I could make progress before the weather became too bad.<\/p>\n
I thought I could keep following the road.<\/p>\n
I thought that if I walked steadily enough, I would reach somewhere useful.<\/p>\n
Those thoughts sound foolish when I repeat them now.<\/p>\n
But I had spent the day being told there was no place for me.<\/p>\n
I was frightened of standing still.<\/p>\n
I went back to the general store.<\/p>\n
This time, I wasn't looking for work.<\/p>\n
I bought bread and a piece of hard cheese.<\/p>\n
I counted out the money carefully.<\/p>\n
The shopkeeper handed me the food.<\/p>\n
I tucked it into my bundle.<\/p>\n
I didn't buy anything else.<\/p>\n
I wanted to save as much as possible.<\/p>\n
Money had become a strange thing to me.<\/p>\n
I resented the twelve dollars because of what they represented.<\/p>\n
But I also held on to them because I knew I needed them.<\/p>\n
That contradiction stayed with me.<\/p>\n
I hated depending on Elias's final payment.<\/p>\n
I hated it.<\/p>\n
Yet I was grateful that I could buy food.<\/p>\n
I stepped back into the street.<\/p>\n
The snow was falling more steadily.<\/p>\n
I pulled my mother's blanket tightly around my shoulders.<\/p>\n
It wasn't thick enough for the weather.<\/p>\n
I knew that.<\/p>\n
But it was what I had.<\/p>\n
I looked west.<\/p>\n
Beyond the town, the road rose toward the mountains.<\/p>\n
The sky above them was gray.<\/p>\n
I could still make out the direction of the route.<\/p>\n
That seemed important.<\/p>\n
As long as I could see where the road went, I told myself I could follow it.<\/p>\n
I had walked difficult distances before.<\/p>\n
I had endured cold days before.<\/p>\n
I knew how to be careful with what I carried.<\/p>\n
And I knew how to work.<\/p>\n
I mistook those things for being prepared.<\/p>\n
Before leaving Pinewood, I stopped for a moment and checked my bundle.<\/p>\n
Bread.<\/p>\n
Cheese.<\/p>\n
Clothes.<\/p>\n
The old sharpening stone wrapped in flannel.<\/p>\n
My grandfather's steel striker was there too.<\/p>\n
It was one of the small things I had kept from his tools.<\/p>\n
He had shown me how to use it.<\/p>\n
I could still picture his hands.<\/p>\n
Steady.<\/p>\n
Patient.<\/p>\n
He never liked watching me rush.<\/p>\n
Whenever something proved difficult, he made me begin again more carefully.<\/p>\n
He said careless work usually became twice as much work later.<\/p>\n
I thought about that as I looked toward the mountains.<\/p>\n
I should have been more careful.<\/p>\n
I should have understood what the clouds meant.<\/p>\n
I should have realized that a thin blanket and ordinary shoes weren't enough protection if the weather changed.<\/p>\n
But fear was making decisions for me.<\/p>\n
I was afraid of spending my money.<\/p>\n
Afraid of another refusal.<\/p>\n
Afraid of returning to the boarding house the next evening without employment.<\/p>\n
And more than anything, I was afraid of admitting I had nowhere to go.<\/p>\n
So I started walking.<\/p>\n
The last buildings of Pinewood fell behind me.<\/p>\n
The road became quieter.<\/p>\n
I could hear my shoes against the hard ground.<\/p>\n
I adjusted the bundle beneath my arm.<\/p>\n
Snow collected on my blanket.<\/p>\n
I brushed it off.<\/p>\n
Then more fell.<\/p>\n
At first, it was easy to keep going.<\/p>\n
I could still see the road.<\/p>\n
I could still see the trees on either side.<\/p>\n
I knew which direction I wanted to travel.<\/p>\n
I began thinking about what I might say when I reached Greenwater.<\/p>\n
I would tell people I could cook and clean.<\/p>\n
I could repair broken furniture.<\/p>\n
I could sharpen tools.<\/p>\n
I could do the kind of practical work Grandpa had taught me.<\/p>\n
I wouldn't complain about long hours.<\/p>\n
I wouldn't ask for much.<\/p>\n
Just enough to eat.<\/p>\n
Somewhere safe to sleep.<\/p>\n
And a chance to earn my way.<\/p>\n
I wanted so little that I thought it must be possible.<\/p>\n
That belief kept me walking after I should have turned back.<\/p>\n
The wind strengthened.<\/p>\n
The snow began falling at an angle.<\/p>\n
I lowered my head and kept moving.<\/p>\n
The road was still there.<\/p>\n
I could feel the packed surface beneath my shoes.<\/p>\n
But its edges were becoming harder to distinguish.<\/p>\n
I told myself the storm would pass.<\/p>\n
Weather changed all the time.<\/p>\n
Perhaps it would ease in a few minutes.<\/p>\n
Perhaps the clouds would move on.<\/p>\n
Perhaps Greenwater was closer than I thought.<\/p>\n
I kept making excuses for continuing.<\/p>\n
Every excuse saved me from having to admit I had made a mistake.<\/p>\n
Soon, the trees looked different.<\/p>\n
Their branches bent beneath fresh snow.<\/p>\n
The distance between them seemed to shrink whenever the wind blew.<\/p>\n
I stopped and looked behind me.<\/p>\n
The way back was already becoming difficult to recognize.<\/p>\n
That frightened me.<\/p>\n
I turned west again.<\/p>\n
I thought about my mother's blanket.<\/p>\n
I thought about the bread in my bundle.<\/p>\n
I thought about the warm rooms I had refused to rent.<\/p>\n
The snow came harder.<\/p>\n
I walked faster.<\/p>\n
Then faster still.<\/p>\n
And when I finally understood that the weather was much worse than I had expected, Pinewood was already behind me.<\/p>\n
I had chosen the mountain road because I believed it might lead me to a better life.<\/p>\n
I hadn't understood that before I could find a new home, I might have to fight simply to stay alive.<\/p>\n
I thought finding work would be easier than finding kindness. Looking back, that was a foolish assumption. But I was eighteen. I had never tried to survive entirely on my … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":11949,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11951","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drama-sory"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lastestdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11951","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lastestdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lastestdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lastestdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lastestdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=11951"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/lastestdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11951\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11971,"href":"https:\/\/lastestdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11951\/revisions\/11971"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lastestdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/11949"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lastestdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=11951"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lastestdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=11951"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lastestdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=11951"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}