I had never been good at staying somewhere without knowing my place.<\/p>\n
A kitchen made sense to me.<\/p>\n
Someone needed supper.<\/p>\n
I cooked.<\/p>\n
Someone needed dishes washed.<\/p>\n
I washed them.<\/p>\n
Someone needed bread.<\/p>\n
I made it.<\/p>\n
The work gave every hour a purpose.<\/p>\n
But at the Walker ranch, things were becoming less simple.<\/p>\n
Molly was no longer expected to carry the whole household.<\/p>\n
Her father was beginning to notice the work inside his own home.<\/p>\n
And I had been asked to stay without being told exactly what I was supposed to be.<\/p>\n
That uncertainty bothered me.<\/p>\n
More than I wanted to admit.<\/p>\n
I had agreed to one extra day.<\/p>\n
The morning had passed.<\/p>\n
Then the afternoon began slipping away.<\/p>\n
I kept looking toward the window.<\/p>\n
The sun was still fierce.<\/p>\n
The road beyond the yard looked pale with dust.<\/p>\n
My feet were healing slowly.<\/p>\n
I knew I couldn't walk far comfortably.<\/p>\n
But that wasn't the only reason I hesitated to leave.<\/p>\n
I kept thinking about Molly.<\/p>\n
The way she had leaned against my arm.<\/p>\n
The way she had asked whether she could wear her mother's apron without cooking.<\/p>\n
The way her face had changed when her father told her she didn't have to look after him.<\/p>\n
I had seen children relieved before.<\/p>\n
But Molly's relief was different.<\/p>\n
It seemed to surprise her.<\/p>\n
As though she had been carrying something so long that she had forgotten what it felt like to put it down.<\/p>\n
I wanted that feeling to last.<\/p>\n
I wanted her to have more than one peaceful morning.<\/p>\n
But wanting something didn't give me the right to remain.<\/p>\n
And it certainly didn't make the rancher trustworthy overnight.<\/p>\n
I looked toward the kitchen doorway.<\/p>\n
He was outside attending to work that couldn't be postponed.<\/p>\n
I had watched him leave.<\/p>\n
Before going, he had spoken to Molly.<\/p>\n
He told her not to lift anything heavy.<\/p>\n
He told her she could rest.<\/p>\n
He asked whether she needed anything.<\/p>\n
She had said she was fine.<\/p>\n
He had stopped.<\/p>\n
Then asked again.<\/p>\n
This time, she admitted she was a little tired.<\/p>\n
He had smiled.<\/p>\n
"Then rest."<\/p>\n
I had watched that exchange carefully.<\/p>\n
It was simple.<\/p>\n
But it was progress.<\/p>\n
He had remembered what we discussed.<\/p>\n
He hadn't accepted her first answer without listening.<\/p>\n
He hadn't treated her tiredness as a nuisance.<\/p>\n
He had made room for it.<\/p>\n
Still, I wondered whether he would remember after several difficult days.<\/p>\n
I had seen promises fade before.<\/p>\n
People meant well when they made them.<\/p>\n
Then life became inconvenient.<\/p>\n
The old habits returned.<\/p>\n
And the person who needed care learned not to ask again.<\/p>\n
I didn't want that for Molly.<\/p>\n
I also didn't want to become responsible for preventing it.<\/p>\n
That was a hard truth.<\/p>\n
I cared about the girl.<\/p>\n
But I couldn't build her father's conscience for him.<\/p>\n
He had to do that himself.<\/p>\n
I sat at the table.<\/p>\n
The cracked plate was in front of me.<\/p>\n
I had washed it earlier and set it aside.<\/p>\n
It was still useful.<\/p>\n
But the crack was growing worse.<\/p>\n
I traced it with one finger.<\/p>\n
I wondered why I kept noticing that plate.<\/p>\n
Perhaps because it reminded me of myself.<\/p>\n
Still doing the work.<\/p>\n
Still holding together.<\/p>\n
Still pretending the damage didn't matter.<\/p>\n
I had spent years telling people I was fine.<\/p>\n
Just as Molly had.<\/p>\n
I had worked through hunger.<\/p>\n
Pain.<\/p>\n
Loneliness.<\/p>\n
Humiliation.<\/p>\n
I had accepted whatever space somebody offered me, then tried to deserve it through labor.<\/p>\n
I had become very good at surviving.<\/p>\n
Not very good at being cared for.<\/p>\n
Molly came into the kitchen.<\/p>\n
She stopped beside my chair.<\/p>\n
"What are you doing?"<\/p>\n
I looked up.<\/p>\n
"Thinking."<\/p>\n
She considered that.<\/p>\n
"About supper?"<\/p>\n
I smiled.<\/p>\n
"Not this time."<\/p>\n
She looked surprised.<\/p>\n
I laughed quietly.<\/p>\n
"Even cooks think about other things."<\/p>\n
She climbed into the chair beside me.<\/p>\n
I watched her settle.<\/p>\n
Her feet swung above the floor.<\/p>\n
She wasn't wearing the apron.<\/p>\n
I was glad.<\/p>\n
Not because I disliked it.<\/p>\n
Because she had begun to understand she could sit at the table without having a job.<\/p>\n
She looked toward the cracked plate.<\/p>\n
"That one's old."<\/p>\n
I nodded.<\/p>\n
"It is."<\/p>\n
"Papa says it still works."<\/p>\n
I looked at her.<\/p>\n
"He isn't wrong."<\/p>\n
She touched the edge carefully.<\/p>\n
"But it might break."<\/p>\n
I studied the crack.<\/p>\n
"Yes."<\/p>\n
She looked at me.<\/p>\n
"Should we use another?"<\/p>\n
I smiled.<\/p>\n
"Probably."<\/p>\n
She nodded seriously.<\/p>\n
Then she moved the plate aside.<\/p>\n
It was such an ordinary thing.<\/p>\n
But I felt the meaning of it.<\/p>\n
Something could still work and still need replacing.<\/p>\n
Something could have served its purpose for years and still be too damaged to carry the same weight.<\/p>\n
I wondered whether I was thinking about the plate or my own life.<\/p>\n
Perhaps both.<\/p>\n
Molly leaned against the table.<\/p>\n
"Are you leaving tomorrow?"<\/p>\n
I felt my chest tighten.<\/p>\n
I had been expecting the question.<\/p>\n
Still, I wasn't ready.<\/p>\n
"I haven't decided."<\/p>\n
She looked down.<\/p>\n
"Oh."<\/p>\n
I reached toward her hand.<\/p>\n
"Sweetheart, I don't want to promise you something I can't keep."<\/p>\n
She nodded.<\/p>\n
I could see she understood the words.<\/p>\n
But understanding didn't make them easy.<\/p>\n
She looked toward the window.<\/p>\n
"Papa says your feet hurt."<\/p>\n
"They do."<\/p>\n
"Then you shouldn't walk."<\/p>\n
I smiled faintly.<\/p>\n
"That would be one reason to stay."<\/p>\n
She looked at me.<\/p>\n
"What's the other reason?"<\/p>\n
I hesitated.<\/p>\n
She waited.<\/p>\n
I didn't know how to explain everything I felt.<\/p>\n
I couldn't tell a nine-year-old that I was afraid of needing people.<\/p>\n
That I had spent years moving because leaving was easier than being rejected.<\/p>\n
That her father's gun had frightened me badly.<\/p>\n
That his kindness now frightened me in a different way.<\/p>\n
So I answered simply.<\/p>\n
"I like seeing you smile."<\/p>\n
Her face brightened.<\/p>\n
Then she became serious.<\/p>\n
"I like when you're here."<\/p>\n
I looked away.<\/p>\n
I wasn't prepared for that.<\/p>\n
I had been wanted for my cooking before.<\/p>\n
For my strong hands.<\/p>\n
For my willingness to work long hours.<\/p>\n
But Molly wasn't asking me to cook.<\/p>\n
She was asking me to be present.<\/p>\n
I felt the difference.<\/p>\n
It hurt.<\/p>\n
Not because it was unpleasant.<\/p>\n
Because I didn't know what to do with it.<\/p>\n
I took a breath.<\/p>\n
"Thank you."<\/p>\n
She nodded.<\/p>\n
Then she looked toward the stove.<\/p>\n
"Can we make bread again?"<\/p>\n
I smiled.<\/p>\n
"We can."<\/p>\n
She brightened.<\/p>\n
"But not because you have to."<\/p>\n
She looked at me.<\/p>\n
I continued.<\/p>\n
"Because you enjoy it."<\/p>\n
She considered that.<\/p>\n
Then nodded.<\/p>\n
"I do."<\/p>\n
I stood slowly.<\/p>\n
My feet still ached.<\/p>\n
She noticed.<\/p>\n
"Are you hurt?"<\/p>\n
"Only sore."<\/p>\n
She frowned.<\/p>\n
"You're saying you're fine."<\/p>\n
I stopped.<\/p>\n
Then I laughed.<\/p>\n
A genuine laugh.<\/p>\n
I hadn't expected her to catch me using the same words I had been correcting her for.<\/p>\n
She looked pleased.<\/p>\n
I shook my head.<\/p>\n
"You're right."<\/p>\n
She waited.<\/p>\n
I took a breath.<\/p>\n
"My feet hurt. I'm tired. And I probably ought to sit more than I have been."<\/p>\n
She nodded solemnly.<\/p>\n
"Then sit."<\/p>\n
I looked at the stove.<\/p>\n
Then back at her.<\/p>\n
"Perhaps I should."<\/p>\n
She smiled.<\/p>\n
I sat again.<\/p>\n
It was one of the strangest lessons I had learned in that house.<\/p>\n
A nine-year-old girl had reminded me to practice what I preached.<\/p>\n
If she was allowed to rest, why wasn't I?<\/p>\n
If she was allowed to ask for help, why did I keep pretending I needed none?<\/p>\n
I looked at my hands.<\/p>\n
They were broad.<\/p>\n
Marked by years of work.<\/p>\n
There were small scars near my fingers.<\/p>\n
Burns that had faded.<\/p>\n
Cuts that had healed.<\/p>\n
I had always been proud of those hands.<\/p>\n
They had kept me alive.<\/p>\n
But perhaps I had asked too much of them.<\/p>\n
Perhaps I had made work the only reason I believed I deserved a place anywhere.<\/p>\n
Molly leaned against my arm again.<\/p>\n
I let her.<\/p>\n
We sat quietly.<\/p>\n
Then I heard footsteps outside.<\/p>\n
The rancher returned.<\/p>\n
He paused in the doorway.<\/p>\n
His eyes moved from Molly to me.<\/p>\n
He smiled faintly.<\/p>\n
"How's everyone doing?"<\/p>\n
Molly lifted her head.<\/p>\n
"Miss Abigail's feet hurt."<\/p>\n
I felt my face grow warm.<\/p>\n
The rancher looked concerned.<\/p>\n
"They still bad?"<\/p>\n
I sighed.<\/p>\n
"Not pleasant."<\/p>\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n
"You shouldn't be standing so much."<\/p>\n
Molly looked pleased.<\/p>\n
"That's what I told her."<\/p>\n
He glanced at his daughter.<\/p>\n
Then at me.<\/p>\n
I could see the amusement in his eyes.<\/p>\n
"Sounds like sensible advice."<\/p>\n
I shook my head.<\/p>\n
"You're both becoming troublesome."<\/p>\n
Molly giggled.<\/p>\n
Her father smiled.<\/p>\n
For a moment, the kitchen felt warm.<\/p>\n
Not because of the stove.<\/p>\n
Because nobody was frightened.<\/p>\n
Nobody was being ordered to work.<\/p>\n
Nobody was trying to hide a need.<\/p>\n
I wanted to remember that.<\/p>\n
Then the rancher looked toward my satchel.<\/p>\n
His smile faded slightly.<\/p>\n
He knew why it was still there.<\/p>\n
I saw him consider his words.<\/p>\n
"Miss Turner."<\/p>\n
I looked up.<\/p>\n
"Yes?"<\/p>\n
"Would you mind speaking with me?"<\/p>\n
Molly looked between us.<\/p>\n
I felt a familiar tightness in my stomach.<\/p>\n
I had heard that sort of request before.<\/p>\n
From employers who were about to dismiss me.<\/p>\n
From people who had decided they didn't need my services anymore.<\/p>\n
I told myself not to assume the worst.<\/p>\n
But old fears were difficult to silence.<\/p>\n
"Of course."<\/p>\n
The rancher glanced toward Molly.<\/p>\n
"Would you stay here a little while?"<\/p>\n
She nodded.<\/p>\n
"Yes, Papa."<\/p>\n
Then she looked at me.<\/p>\n
I gave her a small smile.<\/p>\n
She seemed reassured.<\/p>\n
I followed her father toward the other room.<\/p>\n
My feet hurt.<\/p>\n
He noticed and slowed his steps.<\/p>\n
That small courtesy surprised me.<\/p>\n
I wished it didn't.<\/p>\n
We stopped where we could speak without Molly hearing every word.<\/p>\n
He looked uncomfortable.<\/p>\n
I waited.<\/p>\n
He rubbed his hands together.<\/p>\n
Then spoke.<\/p>\n
"I've been thinking about what you said."<\/p>\n
I looked at him.<\/p>\n
"Which part?"<\/p>\n
He gave a tired smile.<\/p>\n
"Most of it."<\/p>\n
I waited.<\/p>\n
He looked toward the kitchen.<\/p>\n
"Molly needs more than I've been giving her."<\/p>\n
I nodded.<\/p>\n
"Yes."<\/p>\n
"I know that now."<\/p>\n
I didn't answer.<\/p>\n
He continued.<\/p>\n
"I don't want her going back to how things were."<\/p>\n
I studied him.<\/p>\n
Neither did I.<\/p>\n
But wanting change wasn't the same as making it.<\/p>\n
He seemed to understand that.<\/p>\n
"I need to learn."<\/p>\n
I nodded.<\/p>\n
He looked at me.<\/p>\n
"And I could use help while I do."<\/p>\n
My heart began beating faster.<\/p>\n
I didn't know where he was going.<\/p>\n
I didn't know whether I wanted him to ask.<\/p>\n
But I listened.<\/p>\n
He took a breath.<\/p>\n
"I'd like you to stay longer."<\/p>\n
I looked toward the kitchen.<\/p>\n
Molly was still sitting at the table.<\/p>\n
I could see the top of her head through the doorway.<\/p>\n
She was looking at the apron.<\/p>\n
Not wearing it.<\/p>\n
Just looking.<\/p>\n
I felt something tighten in my chest.<\/p>\n
The rancher continued.<\/p>\n
"Not because I expect you to do everything."<\/p>\n
I turned back.<\/p>\n
He met my eyes.<\/p>\n
"Because I don't want my daughter carrying it anymore."<\/p>\n
I wanted to believe him.<\/p>\n
More than I cared to admit.<\/p>\n
But the memory of the shotgun was still there.<\/p>\n
And I knew I couldn't make a decision without facing it.<\/p>\n
I looked at him.<\/p>\n
"Then there's something you need to understand."<\/p>\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n
"I'm listening."<\/p>\n
I took a slow breath.<\/p>\n
"If I stay, it can't be because you're frightened today and grateful tomorrow."<\/p>\n
He looked serious.<\/p>\n
I continued.<\/p>\n
"I won't spend my days waiting for you to become angry."<\/p>\n
His face tightened.<\/p>\n
"I know."<\/p>\n
"And Molly must never be made to feel responsible for keeping peace between us."<\/p>\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n
"Agreed."<\/p>\n
I studied him.<\/p>\n
He didn't look away.<\/p>\n
For the first time, I began to think he might understand what I was asking.<\/p>\n
Not simply a place to cook.<\/p>\n
Not simply a roof.<\/p>\n
Respect.<\/p>\n
Safety.<\/p>\n
And a chance for Molly to be a child.<\/p>\n
I looked toward the kitchen again.<\/p>\n
Then back at him.<\/p>\n
"I need time to decide."<\/p>\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n
"Take it."<\/p>\n
He didn't argue.<\/p>\n
He didn't demand gratitude.<\/p>\n
He didn't remind me that he had given me shelter.<\/p>\n
He simply accepted the answer.<\/p>\n
That mattered.<\/p>\n
More than he probably knew.<\/p>\n
I went back to the kitchen.<\/p>\n
Molly looked up immediately.<\/p>\n
"Everything all right?"<\/p>\n
I smiled.<\/p>\n
"Yes, sweetheart."<\/p>\n
She studied my face.<\/p>\n
Then nodded.<\/p>\n
I sat beside her.<\/p>\n
My satchel remained near the cupboard.<\/p>\n
The road still existed.<\/p>\n
Nothing had been decided.<\/p>\n
But for the first time in years, I wasn't thinking only about where I would go next.<\/p>\n
I was thinking about what staying might mean.<\/p>\n
And whether I could allow myself to want it.<\/p>\n
Source: newsfeed.cafex.biz<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n I had never been good at staying somewhere without knowing my place. A kitchen made sense to me. Someone needed supper. I cooked. Someone needed dishes washed. I washed them. … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":11044,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11059","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drama-sory"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lastestdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11059","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lastestdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lastestdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lastestdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lastestdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=11059"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/lastestdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11059\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11079,"href":"https:\/\/lastestdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11059\/revisions\/11079"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lastestdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/11044"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lastestdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=11059"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lastestdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=11059"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lastestdrama.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=11059"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nClick here to continue reading: PART 16: Before I Could Choose Whether to Stay, I Needed to Know That Molly Would Never Again Have to Earn Her Father’s Love<\/a><\/strong><\/h2>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"